We tend to value "genuine"
people and think poorly of those whom we perceive as being "fake"—but
why is that? After all, what motivates "fakeness" is an effort to
appear more appealing or impressive, so shouldn’t we find people who care about
our opinions more appealing than those who, by definition, do their own thing
regardless of what we think?
Well, no, we shouldn’t—and for three
basic reasons:
- We are much more likely to trust a genuine person than a fake one because we believe those who are true to themselves are also likely to be truer and more honest with us.
- We often associate genuineness with appealing traits, such as strength of character and emotional resilience—and correctly so, as being true to yourself takes confidence, tenacity, and often even bravery.
- We are attracted to uniqueness and individuality, qualities genuine people usually have in spades.
Many journeys of self-improvement
and self-discovery involve efforts to live a more authentic life. Adopting the
following seven habits can help you become a more genuine person—however,
balance is important. Overdoing any of these might do more harm
than good so be sure to set moderate, not extreme, goals
when it comes to working on them.
1. Genuine people speak their mind. This is actually a two-step habit. Genuine people take time
to figure out their own opinions and perspectives about things, and they are
not shy
about sharing their thought-out opinions with others. The manner in
which they share their opinions also matters: Genuine people are
comfortable presenting their ideas without expecting or needing to convince
others they are right. One thing that helps them get in touch with
their true opinions and perspectives is...
2. Genuine people respond to internal
expectations, not external ones. Genuine
people spend time thinking about and exploring their own beliefs, ideals,
standards, and expectations because they rely on the answers to these
questions to give them direction and purpose in life. Of course, identifying
your own ideas and beliefs is not necessarily easy, since they can
easily conflict with the beliefs and standards of the families,
communities, and cultures in which you were raised. Indeed, being
authentic is often associated with being brave because you're then likely to do
the following...
3. Genuine people forge their own
paths. Being authentic is not just about
what you think or say but what you do and how you are in the world.
Being guided by an internal compass means not having to follow the conventional
or typical routes others take to achieve their goals. Therefore, genuine people
search for and discover their own unique way of pursuing their passions and
purpose, often forging an entirely new path as they do. The risk of forging a
new and unproven path is that not all your efforts will be successful.
However...
4. Genuine people are not threatened
by failure. The reason most people follow
conventional routes is they are supposedly "proven" and
"safer," and therefore more likely to yield success. On the other
hand, taking the road less (or never) travelled is risky and can lead to
failure. Yet, genuine people do so because they are not threatened by the
idea of failing. In fact, they view failure as an integral
part of their journey, a source of learning, and an enriching
experience from which they can grow. Because they find failures instructive
rather than threatening...
5. Genuine people can admit their
faults. To be true to your feelings and
opinions you must first be honest with yourself about your thoughts, beliefs,
and behavior—which means confronting the bad along with the good. As such,
genuine people are likely to recognize their faults and shortcomings, to accept
them, and to take responsibility for their actions as a result. Indeed,
their general ability to own their faults, mistakes, and failures extends
beyond how they see themselves such that...
6. Genuine people are not judgmental
of others. Being honest about their own faults
and embracing individuality and differences leads genuine people to be less
judgmental and more accepting of the people around them. Their fundamental
assumptions about human complexity and their reluctance to view people via the
lens of bias
or preconceived expectations allows them a purer perspective that usually leads
to direct and honest interactions and relationships. And all of the habits
listed above stem from one core psychological characteristic of genuine
people...
7. Genuine people have solid self-esteem. Having solid self-esteem means having stable self-esteem
that is neither too high nor too low. (Narcissists, for example, have high
but brittle self-esteem.) As a result, genuine people can tolerate and
absorb failure and criticism, admit their faults, and be accepting of others
because they are not threatened by imperfection. Indeed, having
solid self-esteem means, by definition, that you can absorb both
negative and positive feedback and acknowledge aspects of your character
that might need work or improvement without diminishing your overall sense
of self-worth.
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